- How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb? Is it one…or two? One…or two?
- I said to the gym instructor “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
- I was in Coles and I saw a man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, “Are you two an item?”
- I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places – he told me to stop going to those places.
- I went to buy some camouflage pants, but I couldn’t find any.
- What do you do when you combine a rhetorical question and a joke? …
- I was having dinner with a world chess champion and there was a check tablecloth. It took them two hours to pass the salt.
- I wondered why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
- My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
- What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, they just waved.
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